Homemakers Expo 2007

I went to the Homemakers expo here in PE on the 27^th of April. It was held at the Feathermarket centre. To be honest, I was a little underwhelmed. They were a bit light on new innovative technologies. It was also a lot smaller than the one they had 2 years ago at the PE harbour.  

And the prizes kinda sucked. This year you could only really win a R5000 stuffed chair. Two years ago I won a Panasonic Lumix camera.

At least I had two cute girls to keep me company, cousins called Christie and Ruby.

A highlight was seeing these here white people dressed in Chinese attire. Why were they wearing Chinese themed tops? To go with the stall. Nope. Maybe its for a sense of community. So I took this photo which is kinda cool. Its like a cultural inversion.

Also, special mention goes out to the woman selling the kak wine barrel bars (it’s a bar… built into a wine vat. Classy!). You are a miserable saleswoman who will die a bitter old woman marinating in your nors juices. It won’t kill you to smile. Answering a question will not automatically deduct money from your account. And your shrivelled up old ovaries won’t magically eject from your vagina should you be accidentally CIVIL to a customer.

Lucky, Lucky girls…

I will say that the Magic Bean cushion ladies rocked! Your stuff’s expensive but you’ve got a fantastic attitude .   

Titus skips the country

 

April 24^th of April 2007.

Titus, now there’s a mystery. Suddenly out of the blue he’s got to “leave the country for work reasons”. Riiight. Lots of people I know also had to “leave the country for work reasons”… when the law finally caught up to them!

 Any link between Titus and the author is entirely co-incidental! Honest!!

Titus, I don’t know what you did wrong, but wherever you are, we miss you buddy.

I asked the boys for tips to evade the coppers, here are some of the choicest pieces of advice:

1. Don’t use your credit cards because Interpol can track those.
2. Also take to wearing a fake beard with sunglasses. Leave the fake plastic nose off the disguise as it is a dead giveaway.
3. Pull all the name tags off your underpants. If you have to leave the laundry in a hurry it could count against you.
4. Gold teeth is considered acceptable tender and can be swapped for local currency in most third-world countries.
5. Specify carefully from the vendor which kind of Dollar you will be paid in, in exchange for an organ. You may end up with Peruvian Dollars that are worth 100 to a single South African Rand. Also, don’t sell your brain, you need it.
6. Kung-Fu Stripper/Gigolo is not considered a good disguise as you stand out too easily.  
7. Fresh pigeon is considered a rare delicacy in the third world.
8. A black rubbish bag is a piece of indispensable kit when on the run for the gentleman criminal.
9. Wandering from town to town doing good deeds is not noble. Its called “being a bum”.
10. K.I.C. 40L refrigerator boxes are considered top-of-the line shelters for the active urban outdoorsman.  

Go well Titus! May you flee with honor!!

Welcome to Planet Greig. Where there are no unattractive men. It’s just girls… and ME!