Go on one crappy date and you might be tempted to think that you’re just the recipient of some really bad luck.
Go one two crappy dates and you might be tempted to think that there’s something wrong with YOU.
Go on three crappy dates and you begin to realize that its not you, its just women in general.
Just as most ordinary guys wouldn’t know how to get it on with Joleen Blalock should she ever walk into the room, so do most ordinary girls NOT know how to get it on with me when I walk into the room.
Jolene Blalock, an acceptable female equivalent to Greig
But, don’t despair ladies, help is at hand! Instead of blind trial-and-error, I’m going to save myself some time and give YOU the tips to win my heart.
Tip #1: The approach.
God has not blessed my gender with subtlety or tact. We don’t do ambiguous. So when trying to ask me out, be bold! Ok, ok, I realise that many of you girls are very shy and don’t want to look like “loose women”. But boldness is part of the price you’re going to have to pay in order to get a slice of this one hot sack of man.
Most girls blow the approach when they try to ask me out. I had one girl walk up to me only to ask me “sorry, haven’t I seen you somewhere before?”.
LAME!
Why was it lame? Because she was looking everywhere BUT my eyes! Take a picture, why don’t you, IT’LL LAST LONGER!
This is part of the reason why girls blow it: I’m not a piece of meat! I am a living, breathing human being with feelings and, and dreams and shit! I realise that I look like a Greek demi-god dipped in honey, but goddammit sometimes I too just want to cuddle!
So back to fixing your approach.
Just walk up to me and say: “Hi, my name is…..”. Thats the sexiest line any woman can give me.
(Actually on second thought the sexiest line any woman can give me would be: “I have 5 cans of whipped cream at home in my fridge. Why not come over and do illegal things to me?”)
Now if you’re all coy and say something like: “I have 5 cans of whipped cream at home in my fridge, why not come over tonight?”
I hear: “Come over to my house and lets have tea and make light conversation.”
Dispite my Sun-Stopping looks, I am at heart a quite, shy, innocent guy. I pet kittens at the pet shop and buy Chocolate for my Mum every now and then. I will literally arrive at your house with 3 plain chocolate cakes in anticipation of that whipped cream with which to decorate them!
Can you imagine the embarrassment of me having to perform not only on demand, but without my lucky tiger-striped g-string? (Hey, Alexander the Great had his lucky sword sheath; Doc Holliday had his lucky gun holster; I’ve got “Senior Grande Pistolera”)
So to sum up:
Be firm; be direct. If you’re hot, do NOT take “NO” for an answer.
Look out for part 2, where I explain how to “lay your hands on me” in a genteel manner.
