You can’t see Hanna’s Montanas. So what’s the big deal?

Hey you.

Yes, you.

You look like the kind of person who has…special tastes.

You know what I mean.

A discerning person who has highly….individualized….needs…. No! Hey! Don’t walk away!!

No need to be shy.

We’re all friends here, right?

No, I’m not a cop.

I think I’ve got something you’ll really appreciate. Something REALLY HOT to show you.

Wanna see IT?

Think you can handle IT?

Ok… here we go…

Did that get your motor running??

No?

Well, don’t feel bad. Lots of people feel the same way.

Shame, she looks kind of cold actually.

First of all, she’s none other than Miley Cyrus. That last name sound familiar?

It should, because here’s here papa:

Mullets: The White Man’s Dredds

C’mon. Stop pretending that you don’t know who the dude is. I’ll bet that in the 90’s YOU called up Bob Mabena’s “Pick a Tune” on a Friday night just to request the “Achy Breaky Heart” video. 10 Bucks says you still have that song somewhere on an Audio Casette in a brown cardboard school suitcase in your cupboard.

But back to the action.

Miley Cyrus stars as Miley Stuart, a fictional character, who has an alter ego, a fictional pop star, called Hanna Montana. Hanna Montana is a Disney franchise that is quite big for North American girls aged between 6 and 14.

Lots and lots of Disney soldier-fanatics are up in arms about this photo that appeared in Vanity Fair magazine (The one of the GIRL, not Dad Billy. Focus.)

I struggled to understand WHY some people’d take such offense at what I think is a very well executed photo.

I mean, on first glance, this is a tasteful picture of a rather wind-blown young girl who probably spent some time running around in the rain and is now trying to get warm under a blanket.

However, prudish nay-sayers are wailing that she looks like a kiddy-hooker who’s just woken up after a hard night’s work (hur-hur).

WHAT. UTTER. BULLSHIT.

What fucking planet are you living on?

Was there even HALF as much uproar when this photo came out?

Hermione and her “Goblet of Fire (water)”

If I asked you who was more well known globally: Hermione from the Harry Potter franchise or Hanna Montana, who would you choose?

My money would be on the dronklap here. Yet you don’t see hundreds of little girls downing Coronas just to “be like Hermione”.

The argument of people against the Vanity Fair photo is that it’ll lure young girls into early promiscuity because they’ll be emulating a poor role model.

Ok. If you’re so worried about poor role models, why not protest at nightclub owners throwing hundreds of thousands of Dollars for Paris Hilton to visit their clubs to increase foot traffic? Shouldn’t you be concerned that she’s teaching your little girls that “Whoring Pays?“

And while you’re at it, why not boycott Fergie’s Albums? She’s perpetuating that all too familiar train of thought that “Its ok to aggressively sexually tease guys with your body…but not actually SLEEP with them”. Don’t believe me? Google the lyrics to those songs of hers that your kids sing along to on their Ipods on their way to school in the morning.

Beware, friends. We are heading into a dangerous age of unwarranted censorship and draconian political correctness.

This whole thing worries me because Miley Cyrus actually APOLOGISED for taking the photo. Apologising for taking an artistic photo that was supervised by her parents who were there all the time? Thats like apologising for going to take a dump because the methane generated will widen the Hole in the Ozone!

Think about it. Could you make a movie like Mel Brooks’ Blazing Saddles today without some weedy little activist jumping up and down in protest?

I’d like to physically beat the people who have the gall to confuse a tasteful, non-nude photo of a young girl who stands on the threshold of adulthood… with kiddy porn.

I say this because these are the same people who are fucking up my country because they’re too stupid to tell the difference between corporal punishment and outright abuse.