You can’t see Hanna’s Montanas. So what’s the big deal?

Hey you.

Yes, you.

You look like the kind of person who has…special tastes.

You know what I mean.

A discerning person who has highly….individualized….needs…. No! Hey! Don’t walk away!!

No need to be shy.

We’re all friends here, right?

No, I’m not a cop.

I think I’ve got something you’ll really appreciate. Something REALLY HOT to show you.

Wanna see IT?

Think you can handle IT?

Ok… here we go…

Did that get your motor running??

No?

Well, don’t feel bad. Lots of people feel the same way.

Shame, she looks kind of cold actually.

First of all, she’s none other than Miley Cyrus. That last name sound familiar?

It should, because here’s here papa:

Mullets: The White Man’s Dredds

C’mon. Stop pretending that you don’t know who the dude is. I’ll bet that in the 90’s YOU called up Bob Mabena’s “Pick a Tune” on a Friday night just to request the “Achy Breaky Heart” video. 10 Bucks says you still have that song somewhere on an Audio Casette in a brown cardboard school suitcase in your cupboard.

But back to the action.

Miley Cyrus stars as Miley Stuart, a fictional character, who has an alter ego, a fictional pop star, called Hanna Montana. Hanna Montana is a Disney franchise that is quite big for North American girls aged between 6 and 14.

Lots and lots of Disney soldier-fanatics are up in arms about this photo that appeared in Vanity Fair magazine (The one of the GIRL, not Dad Billy. Focus.)

I struggled to understand WHY some people’d take such offense at what I think is a very well executed photo.

I mean, on first glance, this is a tasteful picture of a rather wind-blown young girl who probably spent some time running around in the rain and is now trying to get warm under a blanket.

However, prudish nay-sayers are wailing that she looks like a kiddy-hooker who’s just woken up after a hard night’s work (hur-hur).

WHAT. UTTER. BULLSHIT.

What fucking planet are you living on?

Was there even HALF as much uproar when this photo came out?

Hermione and her “Goblet of Fire (water)”

If I asked you who was more well known globally: Hermione from the Harry Potter franchise or Hanna Montana, who would you choose?

My money would be on the dronklap here. Yet you don’t see hundreds of little girls downing Coronas just to “be like Hermione”.

The argument of people against the Vanity Fair photo is that it’ll lure young girls into early promiscuity because they’ll be emulating a poor role model.

Ok. If you’re so worried about poor role models, why not protest at nightclub owners throwing hundreds of thousands of Dollars for Paris Hilton to visit their clubs to increase foot traffic? Shouldn’t you be concerned that she’s teaching your little girls that “Whoring Pays?“

And while you’re at it, why not boycott Fergie’s Albums? She’s perpetuating that all too familiar train of thought that “Its ok to aggressively sexually tease guys with your body…but not actually SLEEP with them”. Don’t believe me? Google the lyrics to those songs of hers that your kids sing along to on their Ipods on their way to school in the morning.

Beware, friends. We are heading into a dangerous age of unwarranted censorship and draconian political correctness.

This whole thing worries me because Miley Cyrus actually APOLOGISED for taking the photo. Apologising for taking an artistic photo that was supervised by her parents who were there all the time? Thats like apologising for going to take a dump because the methane generated will widen the Hole in the Ozone!

Think about it. Could you make a movie like Mel Brooks’ Blazing Saddles today without some weedy little activist jumping up and down in protest?

I’d like to physically beat the people who have the gall to confuse a tasteful, non-nude photo of a young girl who stands on the threshold of adulthood… with kiddy porn.

I say this because these are the same people who are fucking up my country because they’re too stupid to tell the difference between corporal punishment and outright abuse.

WTF, another Dance post??

Before you start gathering in small circles muttering “creative bankruptcy” and hailing my inevitable downfall, let me re-assure you that I’ve not run out of ideas just yet.

Today’s post revolves around teaching you to see the hardcoreness in something which, on first appearance, seems frivolous and silly.

For those of us stuck on the Dial-up Information Super Dirt Road, I’ll provide a brief description of this awesome video.

This is a clip from the movie Kondaveeti Donga featuring Tollywood (movies shot in the Telegu language, second to Bollywood in terms of popularity in India) and star Chiru in a song-dance routine similiar to Michael Jackson’s Thriller music video.

Indian movies get a lot of flak from the unwashed masses. When we go to a Ster Kinekor to watch Daniel Craig screw his way across the world chasing bad guys its all a rather personal affair. We sit in quiet darkness and frown upon inconsiderate people fresh off the farm every time they exclaim “Nee! Dit kannie waar wees nie!” (No, it cannot be true).

The Indian movie experience for the man on the street is far, far removed from what you or I am used to.

For a start, people show up at the movie theatre ALREADY knowing the lyrics to the songs in the movie. You are EXPECTED to stand up and boogie along with the 20 women on the screen who are in high heels performing a fast pace dance that would probably break the ankles of most western women. Its like a being able to jive along to the performers in a musical at the Opera house.

So what makes this video awesome? Firstly, the dude is fat. Ok, so he’s a little more ROBUST than the average Indian male sex symbol (Yup, the movie makes it CLEAR that he’s a sex symbol in his country).

But the dude can boogie.

Watch and practice Kung fu for 12 years and you pick up a thing or two about what it takes to be able to move like our man in red rubber. He is superbly co-ordinated. Especially later on in the video where he does a set of twirls headed in the same direction. He manages to move STRAIGHT forward and maintain a constant spin. That takes some mad skills homes.

Lets not forget the totally synthetic uniform he’s wearing. And it skintight. Not to mention the Mello-Yello contact lenses and Candy Fangs.

The love interest lady in the background spends much of her time scared out of her wits. So scared that she joins in on the Zombie dance without further hesitation.

Oh, and some guy edited the lyrics so it would read as if he were singing gibberish English (as opposed to him singing in Telegu). That made it even more awesome.

Aah, quite the comedy meal. And just because I’m a nice guy, here’s an after dinner mint for you.

It’s self explanatory.